Routines @.@

I not sure if I'm weird or funny. Sometimes is like, I feel like going out but really don't know where to go and I don't want to go out alone. Whenever there's events for me to go out I will be like 'Can I don't go?' or 'Suddenly I don't feel like going' or maybe 'I don't know how to go there'.

Hehes I know it's like so weird... Want to go out but there's no people to go out with me, or I don't ask people or else I will be like being very lazy to go out when there's things going on.

But still, I hope that this coming Saturday can be fun for me though. Cause I will be going to somewhere that I have not been before alone in the afternoon and at night will be going out with friends to have our dinner.

I'm looking forward to this coming Saturday but I night look forward to next Friday. Cause next Friday is my class outing at ECP. And I still haven't check how to go due to I'm really lazy. And not sure if I am able to go there alone or not.

I always don't trust myself on going to some strange place or the place that I don't usually go. Cause I will easily get lost and I doesn't wish to get lost. That;'s why I more prefer to go out with friends so that I won't get lost, and if I go to the place more often, the direction might carved into my memory.

Friendship

Well, I have been missing the days I spend time with my friends. Even though I have been spending time with my friends I know this year. But I don't know if this friendship going to last how long. I really hope that my friends would always be with me and hang out together.

It is a painful way and time if my friends doesn't want to go out with me after I have help them with the events and photo shoots. Is like making new friends, then become a stranger again. I really wish to make more friends and be friends forever, I know my character is like I want to make more friends but don't know how to start a topic and how to chat. I wish there's alot of topic to chat with you guys and hang out more.

I wish that this friendship would last longer than just 1 year or so. I want to be friends with you till old or maybe forever if there is a forever. I not sure... But some of my friends that I used to chat, I don't really chat with them. Maybe this is my problem but still, I regretted it. And I guess I already forgotten some of them. Now I really want to cherish my current friends.

I hope they could cherish our friendship too. And hope to hang out with you guys when you have time.

I wonder...

I really have been wondering why some of my friends didn't want to chat with me. Is it that I am over talkative? Or am I annoying to you guys? Cause right now I already try my best to know you guys better but still, I felt that you guys didn't want to get close to me. A feeling like we are friends yet like strangers to each other.

What have I done wrong? Can you give me advice to change myself? Or maybe... What is the point that I didn't interest you as a friend? I have been asking myself and maybe hating myself if I did something wrong to you. I wish to understand more...

For me, I don't know what I am now... I don't understand what is humans are thinking. It is making me feel like I'm not even a human though. Well, I guess for now I'm abit confuse by people these days. To make more friends or not to make more friends.

15 sept - coscom

Today is coscom. The event is quite small though. But still manage to have fun with my friends. But still, I wonder, do I make mistakes today? I got a feeling tat I make a mistake today after I reach home though.

As in I told someone something weird. I not sure if its weird but I got a feeling it is weird. I want to change myself. Trying my best to blend in more in this community.

But why the more I try to blend in, the situation got more awkward. I don't want to be awkward in this community even though I am trying to blend in.

Well, I just hope that I can really make friends and don't get awkward with them. Even though I think I might make a trouble with some of the people.

You know, sometimes I really want to say sorry to them but I can't really say it in front of them. I just hope they understand and forgive me.

One of the person I may want to say sorry is the ruby in today's event. I didn't mean to say the things I said in the previous event. Because sometimes I just couldn't think properly sometimes. I don't ask for forgiveness but I hope you understand how I feel right now. I am kind of abit sorry to say those words to you.