Birthdays.

Birthdays.... What is birthday? Why am I sad when my friend said he is celebrating his friend's birthday? I did some research in my memory. I would be frank.... No one celebrated my birthday except my parents which they have stopped celebrating my birthday after my secondary school. And kindergarden is so called celebrating with classmates and teachers.

Except them.... no one really celebrate my birthday exceopt for one of my secondary school friend who exchange our present for our advance birthday for secondary 3 or 4 I think. And the rest of my birthday is spending time in my room resting....

This year I guess this year I will be spending with myself at home inside my room during my birthday again. Cause I don't think this year my friends will be celebrating my birthday cause I feel that they are not that close to me.

I have been admiring people who got their friends celebrating birthdays with them while I am celebrating alone everytime at home.

What my thinking of my friendship with friends is, they treat me as a normal friend or a good friend. Close friend I don't think so. Cause close friends most of the time will ask you out around your birthday date.

I guess I'm pretty sensitive to this word already. Birthday means alone to me. When I'm alone, I tends to get abit emotional. This might make me cry during the night cause I rather get more emotional at night than day.

I guess I shouldn't had ask him a question which result me getting all worked out. I'm still quite sad and angry for myself due to some reasons.

I wish I could change myself permanently but I always ended up the old me, and I eventually gave up changing myself already. I'm not used to be talkative, fun person, out-going person and a cheerful me. Now I suppose to get myself stuck at home doing nothing already.

I hate myself again, trying to leave my friends behind cause I am not that important than their friends that they usually hang out with. I'm just a useless thrash to them compare to their friends.

I bought this upon myself so therefore I shall step back myself and vanish behind them while they have fun with their friends. So that they will forget my existance in this world. And I will be more happier to live on with myself. And I will not make any mistakes in my friendship with them anymore.

But still, I want to thanks them for passing my life. And I will make a move to leave first and not regretting anything I guess. I really have fun with you guys during the convention and outings. Hope you guys have fun.